Kindness can only be taught by example. Otherwise, all you're teaching is dominance.
Wow. I only hope I can live up to the aspirations I have for my offspring.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
And most importantly
I want to write this down, so I don't forget it. I read it somewhere, but sadly I have no idea where. Here we go:
Start moving, already
I know, I am not good at following through. But this is too important to leave to chance. So what have I done? Well, what I always do. The three things I am so very skilled at. I have Googled, I have made plans, and I have bought things from Amazon. I could say some unkind things about myself and my lack of ability to put theory into practice, but that would surely be against the spirit of this blog. So I won't.
Instead, I will share the results of my Googling and planning with you, limited as they may be. Please keep in mind that I am writing this mainly to collect my thoughts, not to share some kind of master plan with the universe at large. In other words, if you're actually reading this, bear with me.
Here's what I have deduced (although not actually read anywhere else): There are three or four main areas where you want your child to be kind.
1 - immediate family. Be kind and respectful to your parents and siblings. That obviously includes no violence, verbal or physical, within the family. But I think it can go further. Respect is not something that many parenting books seem to preach these days (or do they? I must confess I don't read any), but surely it is a form of kindness? By respecting the other people in your family as individuals, with their own needs and thoughts and feelings, kindness will follow. Right?
2 - Wider family circle and friends. Here, I think kindness could be shown through appreciation. There's a lot of room to expand on that, and I think this is where I might do more practical exercises with the kiddies. At least that is what I am thinking at the moment.
3 - Wider community and the whole world. Obviously, you can't show kindness to every single person in the world. But you can be aware of them. And you can be charitable. Lots of good teaching opportunities here, I think.
4 - Kindness to animals. I decided to keep this separate, because I think it deserves a special mention. If you are unkind to animals - the weak and voiceless members of society - I don't think you can be a good person. The other side of the same coin is that I have met so many truly good, joyful and warm-hearted people who have turned out to be real animal lovers, for want of a better word. (OK, some of them have been absolute nutcases, too, but they have all had a good heart.)
So there is my theory. That is the fairly loose structure I am going to follow. As for putting it into practice - well, I will keep you posted. At the moment, I have vague plans to do something about number 2, fairly soon, and number 3 is the one that have had me using my Amazon Prime account.
Here's what I have bought, so far:
Houses and Homes - a lovely, short book with beutiful pictures of different kinds of homes around the world. Suitable even for very young children. Opens up discussion about different types of lives and seemed to make my daughter slightly startled at the thought of living in a house made of rubbish.
Instead, I will share the results of my Googling and planning with you, limited as they may be. Please keep in mind that I am writing this mainly to collect my thoughts, not to share some kind of master plan with the universe at large. In other words, if you're actually reading this, bear with me.
Here's what I have deduced (although not actually read anywhere else): There are three or four main areas where you want your child to be kind.
1 - immediate family. Be kind and respectful to your parents and siblings. That obviously includes no violence, verbal or physical, within the family. But I think it can go further. Respect is not something that many parenting books seem to preach these days (or do they? I must confess I don't read any), but surely it is a form of kindness? By respecting the other people in your family as individuals, with their own needs and thoughts and feelings, kindness will follow. Right?
2 - Wider family circle and friends. Here, I think kindness could be shown through appreciation. There's a lot of room to expand on that, and I think this is where I might do more practical exercises with the kiddies. At least that is what I am thinking at the moment.
3 - Wider community and the whole world. Obviously, you can't show kindness to every single person in the world. But you can be aware of them. And you can be charitable. Lots of good teaching opportunities here, I think.
4 - Kindness to animals. I decided to keep this separate, because I think it deserves a special mention. If you are unkind to animals - the weak and voiceless members of society - I don't think you can be a good person. The other side of the same coin is that I have met so many truly good, joyful and warm-hearted people who have turned out to be real animal lovers, for want of a better word. (OK, some of them have been absolute nutcases, too, but they have all had a good heart.)
So there is my theory. That is the fairly loose structure I am going to follow. As for putting it into practice - well, I will keep you posted. At the moment, I have vague plans to do something about number 2, fairly soon, and number 3 is the one that have had me using my Amazon Prime account.
Here's what I have bought, so far:
Houses and Homes - a lovely, short book with beutiful pictures of different kinds of homes around the world. Suitable even for very young children. Opens up discussion about different types of lives and seemed to make my daughter slightly startled at the thought of living in a house made of rubbish.
A Life Like Mine - a really stunning and impressive book which I haven't had time to read properly yet, but it seems more suited to slightly older children. I think this will be a real treasure and very useful in my kindness quest.
Children Just Like Me - another gorgeous DK book with amazing pictures. Quite easily adapted to suit younger children, as I think you can pick the parts your child is ready for.
So that is where we are at, right now. It's a start, even if it is slow. And I promise I will keep posting.
Monday, 15 August 2011
A first step.
I am going to commit to this now, or it will never happen. I am a procrastinator. I am filled with ideas and very little follow-through. But not this time! So here we go.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I told myself to get rid of my own personal hopes and dreams and aspirations, because this child would surely have her own. She might not love to read books for hours on end. She might not want to save gorillas in the misty mountains of Rwanda (not that I ever did, either). She might hate folksy, flutey, fiddley music and laugh if I suggested a game of Tetris. Who knows, she could grow up to love sports and celery - the exact opposite of me! I decided that none of that would matter - there were only two things I wanted. I wanted her to be happy - to grow up knowing what true happiness feels like, and to learn how to build a happy life for herself, whatever that wold mean for her. I also wanted her to be kind. To me, kindness and happiness are connected. You cannot be truly happy if you are making other people unhappy. Similarly, making other people happy is one of the surest ways of becoming happy.
Teaching kindness, however, is a little trickier. My daughter, and her younger brother, are both very happy.They have no reason not to be. But am I raising two kind children? I don't know. They are four and one, so I suppose it is alittle early to tell. But it is not too early to start trying. And that is what this blog is about.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I told myself to get rid of my own personal hopes and dreams and aspirations, because this child would surely have her own. She might not love to read books for hours on end. She might not want to save gorillas in the misty mountains of Rwanda (not that I ever did, either). She might hate folksy, flutey, fiddley music and laugh if I suggested a game of Tetris. Who knows, she could grow up to love sports and celery - the exact opposite of me! I decided that none of that would matter - there were only two things I wanted. I wanted her to be happy - to grow up knowing what true happiness feels like, and to learn how to build a happy life for herself, whatever that wold mean for her. I also wanted her to be kind. To me, kindness and happiness are connected. You cannot be truly happy if you are making other people unhappy. Similarly, making other people happy is one of the surest ways of becoming happy.
Teaching kindness, however, is a little trickier. My daughter, and her younger brother, are both very happy.They have no reason not to be. But am I raising two kind children? I don't know. They are four and one, so I suppose it is alittle early to tell. But it is not too early to start trying. And that is what this blog is about.
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